Why my first novel shall read Suck on This Gearoid

WE should have known it was going to be an epic night when it started by us being kidnapped by dublin bus and a run away driver who was pissed off after finding out he had lost his job because of the cut backs. Granted Neil and i saved ourselves by getting off at Dame street, but luckily freedom was not tainted by the loss of the rest of the crew. After a brief heart to heart with the crying fat woman, we were reunited in 21s. Funny enough, the cocktails we had previously decided to be our group favourite were on special at 5 euro all night (sex on the beach? yes please) 5 or 6 cocktails later who did we meet sure only COURTNEY LOVE outside in the smokin area. now even though didnt i pure compliment her, she was a pure bitch totally unsound like and didnt she go and steal my ferosh hat. As i began to get emotional we found Sheilas non gay friend Paul who vowed to find my hat and return it to me. Sheila and i, naturally, concluded that Courtney Love must be in the VIP area soo didnt we just walk in anyway. WELL, that didnt go down well at all, but i managed to take sheila away before she was seriously hopped on by a balding man or very butch woman. We then bumped into some writer who challenged me to a write off which i totally accepted because "not blowin my own trumpet like man, sure im like better than hemmingway" (i am not even close). After my ferosh hat had met the head of EVERYONE in 21s we decided to head to maccy d's. Enter Gearoid a young enthusiatic emigrant of Wexford with big eyes and even bigger dreams. After a turbulant start to a friendship "FYI gearoid, the way to my heart is 6 chciken nuggets" Gearoid blatantly BELITTLED my writing ability and doubted the success of my first novel which in my view "is totally in the bag man". So, a little worse for wear, offended and with quite a large scratch on my arm here i am, inspired. Today i begin my novel. Suck.On.This.Gearoid.